So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
God, I missed his penis.
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