maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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