Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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