We won't sleep together?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
