ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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