what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
