i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
As shirtless as possible
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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