Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
People with herpes should wear stickers.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize
