i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
