It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
