I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize