remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
