she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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