hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
