Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
