Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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