I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
