No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
