So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
