she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Randomize
