Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize