we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
