So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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