Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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