Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
barbara walters just said penis...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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