i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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