my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
