I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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