Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
