My Higher Power is John Stamos
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
