It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
