so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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