He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
