So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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