Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
