i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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