So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
