Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
