k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
