i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize