is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
