it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
