drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
