the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
