you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
But break dance skills will only take you so far
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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