the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
