You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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