if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
