she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize