would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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