I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I have peed in a lot of sinks
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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