3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
