I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
