You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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