Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
