Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
