Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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