How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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