then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
you never un-have a 4some
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
