I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
