OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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