Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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