he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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