If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
