I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
