That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize