It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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