dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
