A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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