You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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