I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
