remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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