My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
