I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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