And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize