I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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