I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
