he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
