Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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