Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
