you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize