I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She just used a chaser for red wine.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
