I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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