thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up under a house in Key West
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