Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
