There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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