They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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