so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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