I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
