He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
