She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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