sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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