so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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