so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
