Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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