I'll bet she douches with gravy.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
