i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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