I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
