just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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